The challenges I faced

The challenges I faced with my being transgender and over 65

 

 

 

So in 2010 began 10 years of my living a dual life within the family:

“My two worlds did not overlap other than in cheap motel rooms “My spouse didn’t want to be married to a woman.”

“I was afraid that I would lose my life,” I knew that I could become a target of violence, especially if I didn't “pass” well as the opposite sex.

When I told my spouse I was transgender. We both knew immediately our marriage had to change... I told her about the therapist, I was seeing how it helped me uncovered and revealed the root of a persistent unhappiness, and a sense of never fitting in: Eventually I was diagnosed having gender dysphoric feelings.

During this period of time 2010 thru 2015 there were so many questions both of us had about what did this diagnosis mean?

Was I going to live in a gender fluid world where I lived part time as a man and part time as a woman? Would I eventually go towards living full time as a woman? What did a full transition even mean? Could we stay together? What about our two grown children and grandchildren?

And why wasn’t she feminine enough to make me want to live as a man?  These were questions I she asked me over and over.

The first time around, when she discovered I cross-dressed... I convinced her that I had no intentions of ever living openly or going as far as having corrective surgery... Had it been a real possibility, I know I would have left. Cutting ties and walking away would have been easy. Leaving would mean losing everything we had built together. We owned a house, we had two grown children, and I had built a life and a home in our new state. However over time our relationship was also different. Leaving would mean losing my best friend, my emotional support system, and my life partner.

Last year brought questions, challenges, and more big decisions. We lived day by day, moment to moment, and it was exhausting. Slowly, the husband my spouse had known began to disappear, through a process of body hair removal, hair growth, nail polish, make up application, hair accessorizing, and the replacement of men’s clothing with women’s clothing.

 Eventually, I was ready to make a full transition myself, and to move forward after being stuck in limbo for so long. When I started my transition in "2012", I was ready to move forward and live more openly as a woman I noticed as I transitioned my spouse was transitioning as well... I was ready to move forward, and live full time as a woman and my wife accepted me as us as being girlfriends. This was a big life change for both of us.

Medically transitioning meant coming out to all our friends and family and most importantly to me

In the summer of 2013, we began both of those journeys — the grueling process of my coming out. The decision of how to tell family members wasn't easy. We knew both of our families would find it quite difficult accepting our decision to remain married to one another and my usage of Hormones... We both had no doubts about our decision; to remain married to one another. In the end, we agreed that no matter what happened, this was the right decision for us. We vowed to each other that no matter what, we would remain together.

 By spring of 2014, I now lived full time as a woman. I was a happier person. Living my authentic self, I could be who I was and do what I wanted. I no longer had to conform to an identity that was never my own.

The experience for the both of us was a roller coaster from beginning to end; I don’t think there’s a single emotion we both haven’t felt, be it anger, denial, sadness, fear, loneliness, happiness, joy, or excitement. We both have grown closer while developing a friendship and treating one another as girlfriends, and that makes both of us happier.

Today our life is very different. It is more different than what we both envisioned on our wedding day, and more different than what I imagined when she first found out what I was going through. But it’s a difference that’s okay, because what is the same is the love that we have for each other, the strength we get from each other, and the beautiful life that we have built.

 

Trisha Roberts

 

 

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