Why did I choose to start living as a woman at 50? The simple answer was “it’s time to be the me I always wanted to be”. I just didn’t want to live unhappily anymore. It was never a question for me of being embarrassed or ashamed of wanting to live as woman.

 The simple answer was “it’s time to be the me I always wanted to be”.  I just didn’t want to live unhappily anymore.  It was never a question for me of being embarrassed or ashamed of wanting to live as woman. With my discovering annoying little problems I didn't expect when I started living more openly as a woman!

 

 I grew up without having to handle hair ties, barrettes, pins, braiding, split ends, and everything else that comes with longer hair, so the work was so much harder than I anticipated. And the worst thing about having longer hair: It takes forever to dry.

I realized it's not just what I wore, but how I acted. Suddenly, I had to learn to control the tone of my voice and shouldn't  talk too loudly. While liberating, living openly as a woman later my life has unleashed an emotional upheaval though...  Yes! I attempted to leave my old life behind numerous times and become the person that I have always wanted to be. Unfortunately a lifetime of social conditioning had done its damage. The fear of rejection and shame had controlled me somewhat traumatically because I wasn't ready to accept the reality of what my identity should really be...

However, once I started to affirm my gender later in my life, it's like I had a passing of that past individual, and the new individual has emerged.

Most of life I lived a duel existence and was established in my life, however as I grew older I started slowly seeing and feeling a personality change occurring and started to move toward the feminine side as I grew older... My waiting till 50 was about me taking care of my parental duties first.  I felt that it would be problematic for my two children if they dealt with my transition when they were younger. .  I am not saying that my decision process was exactly the way it should have been throughout my life but each of us has reasons for what we do and I accept my decisions.  There are people who would and do judge me for a wide range of issues.  I can’t control that and I began to focus on being positive in the future. During this period of my life. I did start to experience discrimination and being talked over, and having to argue my point, when I never experienced that before.  When I choose to live more openly in the light and I become more open about myself.  I loved the emotional freedom I felt when I started express myself a woman.  I smile a lot more. (I do love the clothes, the makeup and the shoes!)  I love the rituals of my mornings now.  I just love being me!   

The messages I received from those who read my blog from a lot of the people my age or a little younger are ones about self-shame, loathing, fear and that the only way they can express their female selves is anonymously on social media.  They love how shameless I am.  I always say it has nothing to do with being shameless.  It has everything to do with the fact that there is nothing wrong with wanting to be a woman.  They get it and say that they could never actually do what I did for a number of reasons.  I don’t judge.  We all have our own journey.

I want people to understand that there isn’t anything wrong with being transgender.  

I want people to understand that I'm happy and content with who I'm about and if there is one thing that I have noticed, it's that people, either in person or online, will often say to me is that what I'm doing is brave.... The word "BRAVE" makes sense in thier perception as good as description of what I'm going through... In my case, it's less about bravery and more about being tired of having to be pretend I was someone else.

Since being diagnosed in 2017 and beginning to live full time as a woman I am not only calmer but see things more clearly. For once in my life I know the trail I must walk to attain my goals. So my roadmap looks something like this:

April 2012 unofficial diagnosis

May 2015 official diagnosis

January 2017 

 Baseline blood work (free testosterone, lipids, CBC[red cells], General Chem., and prolactin)

July 2017 Counseling, appointment with doc (to start hormone prescription at this time)

July 2009 psychiatrist appointment (get carry letter at this time) beginning to live openly

Dec 2017 living openly and with physicals changes becoming visible

2020 I've opted not to have corrective surgery and that's

 as far out as I want to look right now...

Trisha