From when I wake up in the morning to when I go to bed at night, and often in my dreams, I am aware that I am trans.

 

 Confidence living and dressing as a Woman!

 

 When I lived a duel existence male and female I was very introverted and found it hard talking to people. As for parties and groups of people, I would find a corner or quiet place waiting for an opportunity to exit without being noticed by anyone. Crowds of people or eating in cafes I could not cope with, I would eat as fast as possible and felt that every eye was upon me. So the thought of transitioning was something that I thought would be very difficult if not impossible.  I knew that this part of me would need to be overcome. I had never gone out of the house or the cheap motel rooms I utilized when dressed as Trisha, but the time came when I had no choice because I was losing control to where the desire of my wanting to dress, project and present myself as a woman caused me to become careless and making mistakes by my not removing my facial makeup fully, leaving items where my spouse found them ect ... I chose to see a therapist. I put on a maxi length cream colored dress. Then I drove one hour to my appointment. I needed to take an elevator to the third floor and another lady came into the elevator she was very nice and asked if it was out outside, this put me at ease. The interview went well and the therapist said she would give me my papers in a year of fulltime presenting as a woman..   

After that we went to one of West Covina’s biggest malls. While I was there I walked around, checking out the many stores... This was on the first time out dressed as a woman. Several years passed and I slowly grew more accustomed going out in public places as a woman, but I still had the usual problems of not being able to cope with people. When walking down the street I would look straight ahead and not at any one. If I needed to talk to someone I would look at something behind them or their ear. 

   This is how I would cope and it continued on till the wonderful day when I met Lydia in Ontario Ca she had her SRS done by Dr. Saran. She was the most wonderful outgoing person I have ever met. We both would go out to dinner to the numerous restaurants in the San Gabriel Valley. Lydia would make a grand entrance and would have every waiter either blushing or smiling. Her appearance was absolutely gorgeous and she had a such confidence that it was very contagious. By her example I learn to look people in the face and smile if for some reason I don’t get a response or get a negative response then I will give a little wave. For some reason people will usually respond to a smile in a positive way, and a wave in response. Lydia showed that she had respect for others.  If it was not for Lydia I would have rushed past feeling embarrassed that people I passed would be insulted or look down on me, but after that I would then greet then with a smile.

    Shopping  with Lydia  was an experience in Southern California, I’m 5’11” and Lydia was only a little shorter so walking around the shops we would get quite a lot of looks but not hostile, so this also helped me realize that people looked at us because we were so attractive (well Lydia was). 

    Not all of us have the privilege to know a Lydia to guide us but we can associate with friends that have a positive attitude to life. These may be male, genetic females, transgender friends, and family love ones. The main thing is to keep in mind that we are not alone on our journey, there are a lot of us out there and we all need to help each other as much as possible so try and not isolate yourself. 

Trisha