I'm a Late Bloomer that has embraced my dream

My Transition has been a very selfish time in my life.

My hormones were raging, I was growing and developing.  I was often catapulted into a world of love and sex unprepared for the way it  affected me and how it has changed my life.

 

   My transition (is it still a transition?) everything for me, being a women that is, is very much normal and almost taken for granted.  I used the word ‘almost’ because I can never take this for granted after all I’ve gone through... It was from 2005 that I began to explore my sexuality and found that I was really more of a woman than anything else. Being in my 60's, I was finding the company of those who were transgender and open-minded women most satisfyingand highly stimulating. They had no need of sex from

me and were totally open and unashamed in front of me.

I could enjoy express who I was truly about with them and feel satisfied.

I am in a period of life as I transition where I can either go one way, completely another way, or stay the same way. I'd like to go "completely another way", however I am terrified of staying the same way. The attractiveness of the first two is the verb "go." The frightening aspect of the latter is the word "stay."

 My decision to come out was reached 15 years ago which allowed me to think VERY deeply about my future.

The process of my transition is fairly straightforward.  I’ve started the process "HRT' my using hormones which has physically and mentally changing me for the better. Physically I’m undergoing what’s called fat redistribution and a loss of muscle mass. My face is changing into a more feminine shape. My cheeks are becoming higher and my lips are becoming fuller. I’m growing breasts, my bum is growing in size and my hips are more pronounced through fat cell growth, especially more visible in jeans or tights.

Other physical changes include softer skin through an increase of subcutaneous fat and a decrease in the size of my sebaceous glands (which is also making my skin less oily and my pores smaller). My overall body hair growth has slowed, helped by waxing, laser and electrolysis (OUCH!!!).

Mentally, I’m more relaxed and consider the feelings of others because I’m in touch with my emotions. I’m MUCH less angry MUCH less often. I realize these mental changes are likely resulting from both hormonal and psychological reasons. Nature and nurture I suppose.  The hormones I had been taking on and off for the past l2 years has brought about a great and positive change in my mental outlook on life. It has allowed me to feel normal inside for the first time since childhood and given me hope that one day I can live a normal and happy life. The usage of hormones has brought about some physical changes and that will continue. I"m still the same person inside.  My blending and being passable is still a two edged sword. For a myriad of reasons many of my trans sisters will become passable than I'll ever be. 

  Living as a trans person in 2020 is still difficult. It takes courage, determination & patience. Courage to go against the culturally accepted binary nature of a gender assigned at birth. I still find the process of my being accepteddifficult.  "Society is still very narrow and overly geared towards one idea of what it means to be transgender," "My best advice is to be patient, forgiving and persistent," "Acceptance comes fast but understanding takes time. I mean this both for those like myself and from others. Some people are ignorant but innocent and a few minutes to explain makes the world a better place for us all." "Since I joined several support groups I have met so many strong transwomen in various stages of thier transition who have taught me so much about accepting, understanding and supporting each other," "The two support groups I belong to in particular, have been so supportive and have helped me build my confidence in ways I hadn't anticipated. I've learned how to assert myself, something I never really did before. Belonging to these groups itself is also a wonderful way to sort the important things from the things you need to let go of, where there was once a bundle of worry I now feel there is a strong support from the friends I made since I became a member which I now use as a foundation to move forward with my life."

 I now feel better in general and about myself, than I have at any time in my life in regards to my social life.
 I have met and made friends with people with ages ranging from their 20's to 70's but the majority of them are close to my age.  Something about turning 70, seems to trigger a response in many of us who have struggled with their gender all of their lives but never transitioned.  Back in the days when we were young, information about transgender people was not widely known.   Most of us did not know how to get treatment, transition etc., although I have a friend that transitioned in the 1970's, so it was possible.  Those who did were rare and they were pioneers.  Before things like the internet came out many of us thought that we were the only ones or did not really know what to do about how we felt inside.  Today we are everywhere, including the cover of Time magazine...

Trisha Roberts