As I enter my 70’s, I want to own my age without making excuses for my wrinkles and my changing physical form. I want to hold my head high as I reflect on my accomplishments, my wisdom, and my joys. Nor do I want to run away from the difficult aspects of aging—declining health, limited resources that I still must deal with!!!
 
 For a long time, I regarded old age as something ‘over there,’ stretching way beyond me on a fuzzy horizon. Old age was something that happened to other people. But once I hit my late ‘60’s, the wear and tear on my body forced me to admit I was no longer young. An arthritic knee limits my former power walks. I can still walk long distances, but not without resting and/or popping an Aleve. I have more wrinkles, even to my despair, jowls! Night driving is anxiety provoking. I can’t always hear what someone across the room is saying.
If confronting my aging body weren’t enough, I’m also forced to admit that the grim reaper has his sights on me. This reality becomes inescapable as I lose more friends and relatives each year. I’m reminded of Bette Davis immortal words: “Old age isn’t for sissies.”
Bette Davis also made famous, the line: “Fasten your seat belts it’s going to be a bumpy ride.”
Over the years, especially the last few years, I have learned to be much more private with people I know – family, friends, coworkers, acquaintances. So I learned to hold things to myself. The reason for this is, I have found that people are very judgmental. They have their own views, agendas, etc. They tended to want to impose those on me

My transitioning was threatening to some people. It will made some people I knew uncomfortable. That did hurt a bit, and it made me want to avoid those type of negative people, but it didn’t shake my faith in myself or what I was doing.
 

I did find a good therapist to talk to.  I also joined several open support groups that were supportive and did not impose their own agendas on me. Met several individuals who were in various stages of thier transition who were very supportive, and who I could trust. When I was at my initial, “fragile” state. I felt it was hard to be so different. To feel so uncomfortable in my own skin. To feel scared of losing your family and friends. Of being made fun of. Of sinning perhaps. Etc. The worst thing was that I felt and suffer I was alone. There was nobody to talk to.
I lived with this fear for years. When I finally joined a support group. I started to feel I deserved to live my life. That I was not doing this to hurt anybody. When people rejected me, there will be multiple others who will support me...and allowing myself to explore these feelings. I started taking baby steps, and discovered it was not so scary after all, and in fact I started to feel braver and more empowered!
I would also like to say, that my transition started to become FUN and an ENJOYABLE process. It was not all heartache, and I stopped thinking it doesn't have to be that way. The group I became a member of, helped me focus more on the positives, the fun stuff, the end goal, self acceptance, loving myself, and helped me develop great supportive new friendships.
TRUST ME, this works!
I am late bloomer. Consequently, I still think of myself as the ugly duckling many times. People compliment me and I still discount it in my head sometimes. I realize I look nice now, but I still have my days when I look in the mirror and I think "BLECH! I look so awful!". We all have our days we're down on ourselves - me included. Yes!, I still tend to be harder on myself and my appearance than other people are.  I realize that! I realize that  everybody has their strengths and their qualities they're not as happy about. It all evens out. Successful people might not have the relationship they want. People in the right relationship might not like their career. People with great hair might not like their body. Etc. 
 Do you see what I'm saying? 
 Everybody is insecure about some things.

 
TRISHA ROBERTS 
 16TH APRIL 2020


 
 

 

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